You know there’s always going to be a hot topic when cousins get together! Recently one of my cousins came visiting, and we had major catching up to do. He wasn’t able to attend my wedding, so he had many questions about the day. At a point in our discussion, he was intrigued by a statement I made about identity crisis after the wedding, and I explained further. In his opinion, he hasn’t heard so much about it, and he had the same conversation with his friend. Of course, if you are an ardent reader of my blog, you’d know that I get inspired to write on my blog based on my daily experiences. I decided to write about the identity crisis I encountered in the first few months of my marriage.
Firstly, marriage is a beautiful experience, especially when you know you have vowed to be with the person you love for the rest of your life. However, it has its fair share of challenges. No one can fully prepare you for marriage- there’s a limit to what counsellors can do; you’ll have to figure out some things on your own, make a few mistakes and learn from them. It is also important to note that everyone responds to situations differently; not every lady will experience this. Funnily, some of my male friends have experienced a form of an identity crisis. I felt like a new person who needed to understand the responsibilities of marriage at a go fully. I remember asking myself, “so who am I now?”. People don’t usually talk about this topic for various reasons. I believe sharing my experience may help someone going through this identity crisis phase. Based on the little research I did, people who tend to feel a higher magnitude of the crisis are those who:
- Haven’t lived away from home for years.
- Can’t financially provide for their family.
- Are closely knit with their immediate family members.
- Have accomplished a lot with their maiden name ( ladies who decide to change their surname after the wedding).
- Have lived the “single life” for so long.
- Experience bullying and abuse in their marriage.
- Aren’t resilient to change.
I can say that I’m now more used to my new identity as a wife and mom that I sometimes forget I was once single. I guess what helped me was when I spoke to my husband about it. He might not have understood right away, but I could see that no matter what, he would help me feel better. A few things I had to learn on the journey of rediscovering myself are:
- I’ll have to keep reintroducing myself until I get used to my new name because I changed my surname to my husband’s.
- Have a big heart to love unconditionally.
- Get to understand each other both the easy way and the hard way.
- Need to create a conflict-handling mechanism for times that you’ll need to settle your issues by yourselves. We always try to resolve our issues amicably so we can live in peace.
- Get used to the constant expectations of people about the idea of a married lady. Also, people will have opinions on how you should treat your spouse or kids, but a few will be genuinely concerned about you as an individual.
In conclusion, you are first the person you choose to be before anything else. Don’t get overwhelmed by new phases and challenges. The truth is, if you and your spouse don’t handle issues correctly, you might lose yourselves and live like you are merely existing. If need be, discuss your situation with your spouse or a marriage counsellor and most importantly, pray about it.
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