How we made our long-distance relationship work before marriage

Long post alert! 

I am about to tell one of my favourite tales. We will be three years in marriage by next month (throwing imaginary confetti in the air). Recently, I was thinking of how it all started, and I thought, why not share it here with my admirable readers.

We dated for a year before we got married. Before the relationship started, we were just acquaintances that always met at the entrance of university (the best way to describe the scenario is how the main cast in an Indian college movie keep bumping into each other at a specific place and time and gaze lovingly into their eyes but in our case, there was no gazing). We met a few times at the same spot, and I guess the third or fourth time, we exchanged contacts. A few months later, we became an item.

Interestingly, we saw ourselves a few times before the wedding day; it was like being in a relationship in a certain era. We had a long-distance relationship for a year due to the nature of his work and where we lived. Was I scared initially? Yes. I was scared of how we would cope; my previous long-distance relationship turned to shambles, and I didn’t want history to repeat itself. I guess you now understand why I was afraid. What actually made it easier to trust the process was how reassuring my husband was (guys, that went a long way).

So to the main question, how did we make it work?

Firstly, at that time, I was living in Abuja, Nigeria, while he was living in another state in Nigeria, and going to the UAE from there. His job makes it possible for him to have at least a month off work which was a blessing to the relationship (and is a blessing now we are married). Whenever he wasn’t at work, we would always try to see each other, and when he’s back to work, we would speak every day. The main thing that makes a long-distance relationship work, in my opinion, is effective communication that is:

1. Active listening. That is controlling your mind from being absent in conversations, you might miss an important information.
2. Proper conflict management. Disagreements are bound to happen in every relationship and it gets worse in a distant relationship therefore you both should agree on how to work things out effectively when there’s a conflict. 
3. Understanding. This goes a long way to make a long-distance relationship work regardless of your shortcomings and flaws.

Secondly, whenever we were together, we went out a lot. It helped us create lasting memories. Personally, I enjoy creating memories because it helps me bond with friends and loved ones better. Now that we are married, we sometimes reminisce on the relationship days. It’s not enough to speak on the phone all the time or send emails/ messages; physical connection is essential. 

Thirdly, we knew exactly what we wanted: to build a relationship based on godly decisions & principles that will lead to marriage, so that made us set boundaries on what we can’t do till marriage.

In summary, every long-distance relationship is unique, and it is a known fact that the distance could hinder the couple from experiencing a blissful relationship. However, it gets easier when there’s a flow in communication and other things.

If you love this blog, kindly share the posts with your friends and loved ones. It will mean a lot to me to know your thoughts in the comments. Love, Grace